Just A Nice Jewish Girl...

Hey haters, It's that special time of year again. A time when the weather is cold and life seems magical. A time when our thoughts turn to all we have to be grateful for. That's right! It's TARcon Season again, the point in the year where The Amazing Race becomes the most important thing in my life. I'm at the point where I dream about Detours and think of my morning commute as is if I'm Racing. It's oh so much fun.

Now, there have been several teams I've really enjoyed so far this year, of course the nerd in me loved the Comic Book Dudes, Dallas and Toni remind me of my mom and my brother, and Ken and Tina are surprisingly likable as this season's token "HE CHEATED ON ME" couple.

But! I have something very embarrassing to admit. I almost can't write it, as it would get me seriously hated on if I was to say it on any TARfly message board, but... here goes...

I Totally Love The Frat Boys.
There. I said it. I know I know I know, they're annoying, and incompetent, and generally just terrible Racers, but no matter how hard I try, I always find myself hoping they'll be spared Philmination. Why? Oh, I have my reasons.

First of all, I'm just a nice Jewish girl. You all probably know this about me already, but I'm one of the chosen people, and damn proud of it. Even though Andrew and Dan are kind of clueless assholes, they're also the kind of guys I awkwardly flirted with after morning services at Kutz Camp. Andrew in particular would totally have been right up my alley, with his ginger Jew-fro and gold Star of David pendant. I guess it's an acquired taste...

Secondly, they share my slapstick nature. Some people are just destined to have consistently slapstick lives. You've seen it in Jennifer Anniston movies, you've seen it happen to Dr. Elliot Reed on Scrubs and Susan Meyer on Desperate Housewives, but you might want to know that it happens to some of us in real life too. Some people will never be graceful... and I'm sad to say I'm one of them. If something not-too-tragic can happen to make me look silly, it will happen. I'll fall over tiny cracks in the sidewalk, I'll get chili powder in my eye at a restaurant, I'll leave the bathroom of the bar with my dress tucked into my tights. It's just part of my life, I have come to accept it -but more importantly, it makes me understand and identify with other people with this problem... so let me just say: Team Dandrew, I feel your pain.
Anyone can fuck up on the Race. It takes a special kind of fuck up to loose your fucking shoes, change in and out of your military outfit several times, be physically unable to perform a march, and still stay in the Race.


Bravo Boys, I doubt you'll win, but maybe I'll see you at TARcon13, and maybe we can giggle when we spill beer all over each other by accident.

Or better yet, Manischewitz.

End Of Work Day Thoughts....

Hey haters, I'm at work, and still have a lot of blah blah blah work to do, but I want to catch up on my hatin'. I really don't talk to you all nearly enough. So here are my thoughts about the world of entertainment right now.

-Politics is not entertainment, OKAY Entertainment Tonight?
I just watched an ep of ET from a few nights ago. And guess what??? The "Real or Rumor?" segment they have each night featured the Hillary as possible Secretary of State story. No!! No ET!! Not okay! That is not a story that should follow up the Is Miley Cyrus really getting a recording studio for her sixteenth birthday story.
Of course the story was reported in a very ET way, you know what I mean... "Will Hil be dressing up as Sec of State for the inauguration?" and all that jazz. But still. Whatever.

-I got my first nasty youtube comment today!
Yeah, lately I've been trying to start uploading things to YouTube while at work. I see lots of funny TV everyday and it's almost shocking how little of it actually makes it to youtube, so I've decided to do my part. Last week I posted an adorable video of Alexis Gosselin seeing an Aldergator. Today I posted Craig Ferguson being angry about the death of punk rock. All things near and dear to my heart.
Well, within minutes of me posting the Craig clip, some internet douche was already pissed about it! Success!

-I can't stop thinking about this one Verizon commercial.

It's not new, and at first I didn't think it was funny... but the more I see it, and think about it too much, the more hilarious it seems to me. Here is this guy's schedule:
9:30-1:00 Send funny pix to wife
1:00-1:15 Text son throughout recess
1:15-3:00 Exchange flix with daughter
3:00-4:00 Text aimlessly to everyone

Wow. That is 3.5 hours of his day dedicated exclusively to sending his wife funny pictures. Where does he get these pictures? Where are they from? I mean... the more I think about this commercial the more obsessed I get with trying to figure out what exactly he and his son talk about at recess, and what has he forgotten to say that he must remember to send during the one hour text wrap up from 3:00-4:00?

The world may never know.

-Thursday Night TV.
There's a lot of good stuff on tonight, I will not enumerate it to you. But- a not to be missed event is Chloe and Jimmy's Wedding!

Will those two work it out despite doomsday? Or will Chloe and what's-his-name get together? Who cares.

-Dutch People
First off, congrats, McKey! Good job at becoming the next Top Model or whatever. I'm sure you'll do all kinds of great CoverGirl ads. But, the best thing about the finale of America's Next Top Model? Andy Van Den Krommenacker made me yearn for the Olympics, when I would giggle everytime someone said Pieter Van Den Hoogenband.

Man, those were happier days.

OMFG I LOVE YOU PAT KIERNAN!!!!

ZOMFG!!!1!!!! The best thing ever happened to me today.

All long-time readers know that I am absolutely crazy-go-nuts over sexy Canadian anchorman Pat Kiernan. I watch NY1 every morning before work and love the way he tells me about my lovely city.

A week or so ago, I was watching "In The Papers" (my favorite morning ritual) and good ol' Pat was reporting on a story about some government official who has thousands and thousands of Facebook Friends. My buddy Pat went on to talk about how embarrassed that made him, as he barely even had 500.

Now, you should all know me well enough to know that I sprinted as fast as my wireless internet would let me over to Facebook and friended him, with a message about the broadcast.

Today, I check the Facebook and what do I have? The following message from Pat Kiernan himself:

"Thanks for helping me to get over my Facebook self-esteem issue.

Pat"

Anytime Pat, anytime.

Why Gossip Girl rules and 90210 sucks ass.

Hey haters! How's the hating? It's pretty good over here.

I know you've been wondering where I stand with trashy teen dramas on the CW lately, and I have to admit that I feel bad that I've kept you in the dark for so long. I'll be honest: I'm not completely up to date on either Gossip Girl (I'm only half way through "Pret-A-Poor-J") or 90210 (I've probably only seen half of the episodes... because it sucks too much ass), but I still think I have a pretty good idea of what's goin on.

Really, when it comes down to it, my thesis hinges on the following two teen movies of the nineties:

Never Been Kissed and Cruel Intentions

That may sound fucking stupid, but I assure you I have my reasons.


Remember this movie? Never Been Kissed was one of the shittier teen comedies of the nineties, starring Drew Barrymore and that dude from Alias. Drew went into the high school as an undercover reporter and made friends with the popular girls and Dude From Alias was her teacher and fell in love with her and then felt guilty and it was a scandal and blah blah blah boringsville.

On the other hand...

Cruel Intentions totally ruled. Buffy and Ryan Phillipe were stuck up rich kids with nothing to loose and Buffy taught Selma Blair how to kiss. Hottttt.
But then Buffy bet Ryan Phillipe that he couldn't seduce Reese Witherspoon and if he did he'd get to fuck Buffy even though she was his step-sister and they acted all intense and people died or something but we all learned a valuable lesson about life, I guess.
Now that was a quality nineties teen movie.

Alright, pop quiz hotshots!!! If you were going to take one of these plots and incorporate it into a trashy CW teen drama, which would you pick? Yeah, good choice.

This season, on Gossip Girl, Chuck and Blair, two characters practically straight out of Cruel Intentions already, take on a very similar plot to the movie, and the scenes play out with very similar blocking and acting. Brilliant! Bravo! Good plan!

Meanwhile, over in embarrassingly crappy TV... An undercover cop named Kimberly enrolls at West Beverly in an attempt to bust some teacher who's dealing to the students. But! While Kimberly is undercover she and blandly sexy teacher Ryan Matthews (who is exactly the same kind of boring as Alias-face) fall in lurrrrve and it's a scandal and blah blah blah even more boring than the original if that's possible.

Seriously CW... you know better. No one really gives a fuck about this guy:

...expect maybe Brenda and Kelly.

BRO CODE HITS STORES!!!!

At long last, my idol (and personality doppleganger) Barney Stinson has published his awesome book of awesomeness!!! You can buy it wherever books are sold. Go buy it! I'm tearing up just thinking about it. WTG, Stinson.


Review pending.