Hey guys. I seem to have a bit of a problem. I need to find some new people to hang out with. Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends, they are fun to drink beer with and are really good at talking shit, but I am really hurting in one area: Nobody knows shit about pop culture.
Seriously, I had a g-chat status message up about Betty White and people asked me who she was. Unacceptable people.
Seriously, it's really not fair to me. Sometimes, I think of the funniest jokes about The Jonas Brothers or have the most astute observations about Brody Jenner. But does anyone I know care? No! And it's terrible! My genius goes completely wasted!
What's a poor person with a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of all things low brow to do?
So, I'm taking applications for people that want to be my friend! Will you laugh when I make an obscure reference from an old season of Survivor? If not, FUCK OFF.
My ideal candidate will be-
-Between the ages of 21 and 39
-A Brooklyn resident
-Really, really, really cool
-Almost as smart as me
-NOT cooler than me
-NOT smarter than me
-The Audrina to my LC
Spread the word. If I don't find someone who fits those requirements soon, I might have to start hanging out with middle school kids or something. Those kids can't hold their liquor, but they sure know what's up.
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